Bad Air
a comedy by
D. M. Larson
Copyright © 2004
Cast of Characters
EVA: Actress who is toying with Ricky.
RICKY: A man who has been treated badly by Eva.
EVA
(EVA enters R. Goes to embrace RICK)
Now that this is all over, why don’t you come back to my apartment…
RICK
(Pushes EVA away)
Thanks but no thanks.
EVA
(Hurt)
What do you mean?
RICK
I have a confession to make.
EVA
What?
RICK
I don’t like you.
EVA
Not even a little?
RICK
I thought I liked you. Before I met you I practically worshiped you. But the woman I see on TV isn’t the one I see here before me now.
EVA
Maybe you’re thinking of that Jessica Alba. People are always getting us confused.
RICK
Somebody’s confused. That’s for sure.
EVA
Why are you still upset? Daddy is going to marry Cami and unite the factions of Craphvia. We’ll finally have peace.
RICK
Power corrupts, Eva. Cami will be put on display and things will quiet down for awhile. But things won’t change. They never do.
EVA
I don’t even know why I like you. You depress me.
RICK
Go then. I’m not stopping you. The snow is melting and you’re free.
EVA
Fine. I’ll go. But you’ll regret this. You’ll never have a chance to be with someone like me ever again.
RICK
You promise?
EVA
(Breaks down crying)
You’re the wicked one now. How can you be so hurtful?
RICK
(Trying not to give in)
Those real or fake tears?
EVA
What do you care?
RICK
Eva, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be so cold, but you must admit, you haven’t treated me very well tonight.
EVA
I don’t treat anyone very well.
RICK
Do you know why?
EVA
Maybe I try to make people hate me, because it’s doesn’t hurt so much when they leave me.
RICK
Like your mother?
EVA
Mind your own business. I don’t need you to psychoanalyze me.
RICK
I’m sorry. Please, don’t be mad. I’m just trying to help.
EVA
The best way to help me is to leave me alone.
RICK
Fine, Eva. Go. Forgive me for trying to be nice.
EVA
Nice? You call this nice? Rejecting me, telling me I’m a horrible person…
RICK
That’s not what I’m saying.
EVA
Then what are you saying?
RICK
Try being friendly once in a while. Be yourself and don’t put on an act.
EVA
What if no one likes me that way?
RICK
Someone will. I believe we all have someone special waiting for us.
EVA
I hope you’re right.
RICK
I know I’m right.
EVA
Rick? Do you think you could be that someone special?
RICK
I don’t know, Eva. Let’s give it some time. Right now, I’m tired, hungry and confused.
EVA
Is it okay if I look you up sometime?
RICK
I don’t know. I don’t know anything right now. But one thing’s for sure.
EVA
What’s that Rick?
RICK
We’ll always have Albuquerque.