Hi
These are songs for kids
here we goooooo
My Frog Has Got a Steering Wheel
My frog has got a steering wheel,
a radio, a door,
a hefty V-8 engine
and a stick shift on the floor.
My frog is a convertible
with comfy leather seats.
I drive my frog to go to work
or cruise around the streets.
But now my frog is missing.
Though parked it on the road,
I didn't plug the meter
and it must have gotten toad.
--Kenn Nesbitt
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Mrs. DeBuss
Our second grade teacher, named Mrs. DeBuss
has never had such a fun classroom as us.
You see, all the students have interesting names,
instead of just plain ones, like Sarah or James.
So when she calls roll it is terribly funny;
she calls “Lauren Order” and then “Xavier Money.”
Then “Ben Dare” and “Dawn Datt” and “Isabel Ringing,”
“Amanda B. Reckondwith,” “Ella Fantsinging.”
She calls “Cole Doubtside,” “Anna Won,” “Anna Tu,”
“Justin Time,” “Justin Case,” “Ahmal Wright,” “Howard Yu.”
She calls “Noah Liddle” and “Isaiah Lott”
plus “Diane Tumeechu” and “Heywood U. Knott.”
“Claire Skyes” and “Paige Turner” and “Mike Carson-Fire.”
“Jack Hammer,” “Paul Barer,” “Ed Hertz,” and “Barb Dwyer.”
Then “Colin Alcars,” “Moira Less” and “Les Moore,”
“Sonny Day,” “Sandy Beach,” and then “Robin D. Store.”
She calls “Woody Dewitt” and “I. Betty Wood,”
“Jose Ken Yusee,” and then “Willie B. Goode.”
She calls “Marcus Downe,” and then “Natalie Drest,”
and lastly, of course, she calls “Olive D. Wrest.”
--Kenn Nesbitt
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Mr. Invisible
Mr. Invisible doesn't wear clothes
Ensuring he'll never be seen.
He'll sneak in a restaurant, and slip in the back
To sample their tasty cuisine.
Mr. Invisible likes to read books.
So he slides through the library doors.
He visits museums, he hangs out in parks,
He saunters through churches and stores.
He dances down alleyways, rambles down roads,
meanders in plazas and malls.
He bounds over bridges, he skips around squares,
he tiptoes through tunnels and halls.
Mr. Invisible strides up the street
quite certain he'll never be caught.
But Mr. Invisible ought to wear clothes,
because Mr. Invisible's not.
--Kenn Nesbitt
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Green Rain
The weatherman predicted this,
the strangest weather seen.
The rain is coming down outside
a grassy shade of green.
He didn't say the weather would be
sleet or snow or fog,
but "light precipitation
with a chance of morning frog."
--Kenn Nesbitt
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The Elephants Bounced
The elephants bounced and propelled up the stairs.
The hippos did somersaults over their chairs.
The bison were bounding and so were the bears.
It was such a spectacular scene.
The cows were careening around in the den.
The rhinos went right through the ceiling and then
my mom made me promise that never again
would I buy them a new trampoline.
--Kenn Nesbitt
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I Think My Dad is Dracula
I think my dad is Dracula.
I know that sounds insane,
but listen for a moment and
allow me to explain.
We don't live in a castle,
and we never sleep in caves.
But, still, there's something weird
about the way my dad behaves.
I never see him go out
in the daytime when it's light.
He sleeps all day till evening,
then he leaves the house at night.
He comes home in the morning
saying, "Man, I'm really dead!"
He kisses us goodnight, and then
by sunrise he's in bed.
My mom heard my suspicion
and she said, "You're not too swift.
Your father's not a vampire.
He just works the graveyard shift."
--Kenn Nesbitt
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I Have to Write a Poem
I have to write a poem
but I really don't know how.
So maybe I'll just make a rhyme
with something dumb, like "cow."
Okay, I'll write about a cow,
but that's so commonplace.
I think I'll have to make her be...
a cow from outer space!
My cow will need a helmet
and a space suit and a ship.
Of course, she'll keep a blaster
in the holster on her hip.
She'll hurtle through the galaxy
on meteoric flights
to battle monkey aliens
in huge karate fights.
She'll duel with laser sabers
while avoiding lava spray
to vanquish evil emperors
and always save the day.
I hope the teacher likes my tale,
"Amazing Astro Cow."
Yes, that's the poem I will write
as soon as I learn how.
--Kenn Nesbitt
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Poor Cinderella
Poor Cinderella, whose stepmom was mean,
could never see films rated PG-13.
She hadn't a cell phone and no DVD,
no notebook computer or pocket TV.
She wasn't allowed to play video games.
The tags on her clothes had unfashionable names.
Her shoes were not trendy enough to be cool.
No limousine chauffeur would drive her to school.
Her house had no drawing room; only a den.
Her bedtime, poor darling, was quarter past ten!
Well one day Prince Charming declared that a ball
would be held in his honor and maidens from all
over the kingdom were welcome to come
and party to techno and jungle house drum.
But Poor Cinderella, with nothing to wear,
collapsed in her stepmother's La-Z-Boy chair.
She let out a sigh, with a lump in her throat,
then sniffled and picked up the TV remote.
She surfed channel zero to channel one-ten
then went back to zero and started again.
She watched music videos, sitcoms and sports,
commercials and talkshows and weather reports.
But no fairy godmother came to her side
to offer a dress or a carriage to ride.
So Poor Cinderella's been sitting there since,
while one of her stepsisters married the Prince.
She sits there and sadly complains to the screen,
if only her stepmother wasn't so mean.
--Kenn Nesbitt
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My Sister's Name is "Seven"
My sister's name is "Seven"
and my brother's name is "Eight."
My parents gave them freaky names
I'm sure they thought were great.
They could have named him "Michael"
and they could have named her "Sue."
Instead they both decided that
no normal names would do.
My brother could be "Brandon."
Maybe "Benjamin" or "Bill."
They could have named him "William"
and then simply called him "Will."
My sister could be "Sarah."
Maybe "Kimberly" or "Kelsey."
They could have named her "Caroline"
or "Katherine" or "Chelsea."
My brother could be "Steven"
or they could have named him "Todd."
But instead, his name is even
and my sister's name is odd.
--Kenn Nesbitt
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Calculator, Calculator
Calculator, calculator,
help me with my math.
Help me do my homework
or I'll feel the teacher's wrath.
Calculator, calculator,
add these numbers quick.
Truly you're a wizard
with this tough arithmetic.
Calculator, calculator,
multiply, divide.
Decimals, percentages;
you solve them all with pride.
Calculator, calculator,
don't be such a jerk.
Thank you for the answers
but you have to show your work.
--Kenn Nesbitt
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Sick Fish
The fish in our aquarium
are looking rather ill,
and most of them are turning
kind of green around the gill.
I might have fed them too much food,
forgot to clean their tank,
or maybe they're allergic to
the toys and junk I sank.
Perhaps I broke the thermostat.
I could have cut their air.
What's certain is they're sickly
from my downright lack of care.
But even though they're looking ill
I still have cause to gloat;
they're obviously talented--
they're learning how to float!
--Kenn Nesbitt
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Mithing Tooth
I'm having trouble thpeaking,
thinthe I lotht my middle tooth.
Jutht yethterday my tooth wath fine --
today it wiggled loothe.
At firtht I thought it thilly,
when my tooth fell out today,
But no one theems to underthtand
a thingle word I thay.
I athked my mom to clothe the door,
she thaid "That would be rude.
The door does not like wearing clothes;
it's happy in the nude."
I thaid a mouthe wath in my room
and she should come and thee.
She thaid "your mouth is on your face;
it's right where it should be."
I wonder if you underthtand
the thircumthtanthe I'm in.
I told her I wath feeling thick.
She thaid "you're looking thin."
At latht she thaw how mad I wath,
And thought I might thtop breathing.
She laughed and thaid she didn't mean it --
She wath only teething.
--Kenn Nesbitt
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Sleeping Beauty
Sleeping Beauty pricked her thumb,
started feeling overcome.
Probably she would have died
as the witch had prophesied,
but the fairies had her blessed
so she just got beauty rest.
For a hundred fifty years
she missed balls and film premieres,
till Prince Charming came along
singing out a cheerful song.
Kneeling down he kissed her cheek
hoping that she'd wake and speak.
Sleeping Beauty raised an arm
reaching for the snooze alarm
and her waking words were these:
"Just need five more minutes please."
--Kenn Nesbitt
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The Sad Story of Tommy McTivver
Sit back and I'll tell you of Tommy McTivver,
whose parents uncaringly made him eat liver.
I'll try to explain, in a sensitive way,
why Tommy McTivver is not here today.
You see, when you serve up that rubbery meat
it smells like the sweatsocks of stinky old feet.
The room becomes filled with the hideous odor
of all the manure in the state of Dakota.
Poor Tommy was given a plateful of liver
which frightened the dog and which made the cat shiver.
But nevertheless Tommy did what was right;
he cut a big piece and he chewed up a bite.
Then what happened next is too horrid to tell;
his body went stiff and he shrieked as he fell.
The ambulance came and they drove him away
and promised to have him returned in a day.
The driver, however, drove right off the street
when he heard what Tommy had happened to eat.
The man accidentally drove into the river,
and all because Tommy McTivver ate liver.
So everyone died and I'm sorry to say,
this story could happen again here today.
So please, mom and dad, think of Tommy McTivver
and don't make me eat one more bite of this liver.
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